Lady Lazarus rises again.

Art, words, thinspiration, and all the other ugly things.

From old journals:

I have been keeping journals since middle school.  I am in college now, but I often go back and revisit my old ones.  I did that today and came across these posts from 2007.  They broke my heart.

“11 June 2007.

I’m feeling so imperfect- so large, so fat, so ugly.

I want to starve myself again.

I want to fast.

I want to be able to see my ribs even when I bend over, and feel BEAUTIFUL.

I want to weigh less than 100 pounds. [Is this to much to ask?]

I’m going to starve for perfection.

115lb. (current weight)

Wish me luck!”

By December of that year (1.12.2007) I weighed 98 pounds.

And yet, no one in my family knows that I did this to myself? Am I that great at acting or are they really that clueless? It is 2011 now, how are they STILL so clueless? My mind is honestly quite blown.

  1. ohmyskinny posted this